It’s Just Not Fair!
Rev. Dr. Jim Wilbur
I hear these words on a regular basis when my two boys are busy attempting to balance the scales of justice at home. I quickly explain to them that “life is not fair” and proceed to offer them my latest brilliant conclusion of why that is true and no sooner than I finish one of them inevitably says “ but dad, it’s not fair” again. Usually it is the one that justice did not find favor with in that particular moment that makes that statement again dissatisfied because he has been “wronged” and I am the one that needs to fix it.
The fact that justice is necessary is not to be debated. The question that we need to ask ourselves is; is it more important for me to be “right” or to have relationship with the person in question? A follow up question that needs to be asked is “do I value the law more than love? It is funny because when it has to do with how God relates to me I answer – love, however when it has to do with me and other people I side with the law.
Several years ago I heard a statement that I believe to be true by John Arnott; he said that “most of the New Testament church lives with one foot in the old (law) and one foot in the new (grace.)
If we are not careful our constant need to be right can damage our relationships and distance us from others, especially the ones that we love the most. This incessant need to be right can often finds its origin in our own insecurity and fear as a result of us not feeling loved or accepted.
This insecurity and fear left unchecked can show up in an attitude of “holier than thou” a self-made and maintained righteousness that prevents us from showing compassion and extending mercy to others.
This self-righteousness is actually what prevents us from entering into an experience with the Father’s love. Jesus Christ had no need to prove anything and knew that his strength was found in the relationship that He had with the Perfect Heavenly Father. Jesus was completely secure in His identity and purpose. Are you?
The Decision is Yours.
Every believer in Christ has a choice of how to live their life. The choice is clear if you are surrendered to the purposes of God for your life- live a life full of grace and mercy. If you are resistant to the idea of mercy and grace, then you find yourself gravitating to a life that is defined by the law and any law breakers are dealt with swiftly and severely. This second way of living life values principles more than people and is exactly the opposite of how Jesus demonstrated living as man in right relationship with the Father. When we look at the life of Jesus it becomes clear that right and fair were not the first priority of how he related to people and met them at their point of need. Through Jesus we see that the Father does not desire to give you what you deserve instead He wants you to receive a free gift of His love that is undeserved and unearned by you.
God has chosen to relate to you through a filter of grace- favor rendered by one not required to do so. In the Old Testament everything was based on a person’s ability to keep the law- rule of conduct or procedure established by custom, agreement, or authority.
satan, however is the complete opposite he is incapable of mercy or grace and relates to you using the law to pronounce you guilty and to demand punishment equivalent to what you deserve. Satan constantly is demanding what is right and fair and is a die-hard legalist who lives to hold you accountable to the letter of the law. Satan knows the law of God better than you or I do and knows you are incapable of keeping the whole law yourself. The accuser of the brethren (satan) is constantly before the throne of God demanding payment for your sins.
When you choose grace over the law you have positioned yourself out of the reach of Satan because he is incapable of living in grace. He is like I said the accuser and that is all that he knows how to do tear down and never build’s up. The vocabulary of hell is negative and destructive that leads to death and should be avoided at all times. Here are some ways that you can tell if you are choosing grace over the law.
God is Love satan is the accuser
Thoughts are always positive, build up, and encourage | Thoughts are always negative, fault-finding of others, accusatory |
Values and honors | Devalues and dishonors |
Thinks no evil | Demands rights and justice |
Grace, forgiveness, and innocence follow His thoughts | Resentment and a heavy and hardening heart follow his thoughts |
If we live unaware of these basic truths on how God or satan relates to people it could cause serious problems in our relationships. As I said before living in the law can hinder a person receiving a revelation of the Perfect Heavenly Father’s love.
When we respond to hurt by other people by demanding justice and seeking revenge we are partnering with a lie that is prevalent in our culture that says “I am the one responsible to bring justice or rightness” into this situation. The problem is that neither you nor I have the authority or power to do that. Vengeance is God’s responsibility solely and needs to stay that way. When I make the decision to take matters into my own hands I step out of grace and become negative, devaluing, and critical of the one that caused my hurt. I then open myself to be judged in the same way as I have left the high place of grace and descended down into law. The truth is I may be right and completely justified in my descent, but I have just partnered with the Father of lies and not the Father of life.
I am not saying that if we are hurt we shouldn’t feel pain or sadness. How a person relates to us is not our choice or fault, however how we respond to hurt or mistreatment is our choice.
I Choose…
If you make the difficult decision to ascend to the high place of grace and forgiveness you are promised blessing by the Father. When you instead descend and demand the leveling of the law your need to be right can give the enemy a key to your life as you agree with him.
It is the desire of the Perfect Heavenly Father to shower blessing on your life and relationships. If you choose not to forgive then you short-circuit God’s intentions for your life and find yourself in a personal prison of bitterness and rage (a self-imposed curse.)
He loved to curse others; now you curse him. He never blessed others; now you don’t bless him. Cursing is as much a part of him as his clothing, or as the water he drinks, or the rich food he eats. Now may his curses return and cling to him like clothing; may they be tied around him like a belt. Psalm 109: 17-19 (NLT)
Our thoughts about others usually are directed toward restoration and relationship or vindication or exposure when it comes to dealing with people that have hurt or disappointed us. Our reaction will determine whether we choose blessing or cursing (self-imposed.) God is not the one who curses you. Curses are a by-product of sin and an unwillingness to forgive. A principle of the Kingdom of God is that we are “judged by the same way we judge others.”
Here is how a believer is supposed to respond to hurt or disappointment. I am not implying that this response is easy or second nature. As a matter of fact I believe this response that Peter spells out is impossible when implemented without the strength of God in you.
Finally, all of you should be of one mind, full of sympathy toward each other, loving one another with tender hearts and humble minds. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate when people say unkind things about you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God wants you to do, and He will bless you for it. 1 Peter 3:8-9 (NLT)
Choosing the high place of grace is far superior to descending to the demands of the law. The Apostle Paul shows us in 1 Corinthians 13 what he describes as the “most excellent way” – love. Difficult relationships filled with pain and disappointment are unavoidable, but how you respond is your choice. Will you choose blessing or cursing?
But if you are willing to listen, I say love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Pray for the happiness of those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn the other cheek. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. Give what you have to anyone who asks for it; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. Do for others as you would like them to do for you.
Do you think you deserve credit merely for loving those who love you? Even the sinners do that! And if you do good only to those who do good to you, is that so wonderful? Even sinners do that much! And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, what good is that? Even sinners will lend to their own kind for a full return.
Love your enemies! Do good to them! Lend to them! And don’t be concerned that they might not repay. Then your reward from Heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for He is kind to the unthankful and to those who are wicked. You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate. Luke 6: 27-36 (NLT)
The blessing doesn’t come from loving loveable people. The blessing comes from loving difficult people who have hurt or disappointed us. When you make a decision to ascend to the high place of grace you find yourself in the presence of your Perfect Heavenly Father who loves you.
What You Give Determines What You Get.
When I am hurt or disappointed by someone what I want to give them or how I choose to respond to them is not as important as what I want to receive in the future. If My perspective changes to embrace the above truth I am in a better position to respond in a healthier way.
Stop judging others and you will not be judged. Stop criticizing others, or it will all come back on you. If you forgive others, you will be forgiven. If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in giving- large or small- it will be used to measure what is given back to you. Luke 6:37-38 (NLT)
Wow! The truth is how we choose to judge someone else becomes the standard by which we are judged. In that place of judgment, most of the time I have chosen to descend into the demands of law and left the high place of grace. I have effectively blocked the flow of the Father’s love into my own life. I am not sure about you, but I have made a decision that I will unconditionally accept people where they are at. This does not mean that I approve of their personal choices or will put myself in a position to be hurt again. I will just accept them where they are and let the Father change them.
The Price Tag of Being Right.
When a person needs to constantly be right it can lead to a decline into some very negative behaviors and ultimately isolation. In that place of isolation it becomes very difficult to maintain intimacy in relationships. When a person constantly descends into the demands of the law and abandons the high place of grace the result is a hindrance to receiving the Father’s love for themselves.
Slippery Slope that leads to Isolation
•Negative Attitudes
•Impure Motives
•Negative Speech
•Divisive Actions
•Damaged Relationships
•Isolation
When you find yourself in that place of Isolation and indifference is the same time that you feel the need to “perform” for God’s love. A weight the size of the world rests squarely on your shoulders and you feel the pressure of making something happen.
If instead we take the Apostle Paul’s advice and choose the high place of grace we are assured that we will receive the grace and mercy of God without measure.
Try and live in peace with everyone, and seek to live a clean and holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. Look after each other so that none of you will miss out on the special favor of God. Watch out that no bitter root of unbelief rises up among you, for whenever it springs up, many are corrupted by its poison. Hebrews 12:14-15 (NLT)
Choosing the High Place of Grace
When you are humble and admit your failure the Father’s love will always find you. It is in those weak moments we experience His strength and love. Your Perfect Heavenly Father is not looking for perfection, but your willingness to admit that you need His help. In that place of humility we find forgiveness for our sins and an unending flow of His love. Here are some steps you can take that will lead you to the high place of grace. Remember it is not if you fail along the way, but if you get back up that matters. The Father desires that you choose grace and is ready and willing to extend it back to you to the measure you release it to the other people in your life.
•Choose to forgive others that hurt or disappointed you.
•Seek God's Forgiveness for Choosing the descent into the demands of the law
•Renew your mind and intentionally resist any thought contrary to the grace of God.
Humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in His good time He will honor you. Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you. 1 Peter 5:5-7
Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor. Proverbs 29:23
As mercy is God’s goodness confronting human misery and guilt, so grace is his goodness directed toward human debt and demerit. A. W. Tozer (1897–1963)
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